Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
