Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
