watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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