Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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