Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I just cut my nipple shaving
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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