Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
