I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
