i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
