you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
