Please don't use social media to get back at me.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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