At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
