yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Is it because I queefed?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
