Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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