I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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