You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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