i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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