I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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