Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
We have started to decorate penises.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Randomize