I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
