weddingsv make me drug and hornr
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
