best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
