All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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