My liver just broke up with me...
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
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