it was like his penis was on wheels.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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