i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
