For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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