wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Randomize
