I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
