why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
