He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
