He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
