It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Just pee around me
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
