I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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