At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
Randomize
