so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
