You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
