He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I could fuck to npr.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
