YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
