If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
