The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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