Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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