Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
