I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Randomize
