good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize