That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
It was confusing and full of hummus
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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