Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
