I think I am morally bankrupt
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Randomize
