I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
