So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
