I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
