awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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