Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
