remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize