So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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