My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
