As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
You work out of a Hotel?
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
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