her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
