The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
