i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
