The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
