It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
