Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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