3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
this is an emotional support booty call
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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