Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
