i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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