i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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