You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
