I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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