im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
