4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
