I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
