I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
40s are totally the cure
don't judge my taste in strippers
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Randomize
