bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
