I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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