Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
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