I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
