The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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