just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
