i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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