What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
