Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
