So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
