woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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