Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
