she looked like the before picture.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
