im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
