Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
