I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
