a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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