Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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