You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
