the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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