I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Randomize
